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In 2006, my world seemed to be approaching normality. I was back in my doctoral program, had found a wonderful supportive Catholic nun, and was awarded the honor of Vagina Warrior by the Feminists for Progress. And just prior to my 61st birthday in December of 2006, I flew to Thailand and finally had gender confirmation surgery. Then the darkness of being swallowed by my doctoral research overwhelmed me. I dropped out of my activism for GLBT rights to make time for the long hours completing the dissertation. Finally, in December 2009, I was hooded and left school with a new Ph.D. in search of a job with which to pay back my student loans with enough left over, I hoped, to allow me to pay off the remaining credit cards I had used to pay for my transition.
But something, a lot of things really, happened in the real world while I was gone. Bay Area Inclusion, a GLBT support organization I helped found in Mobile, folded its tent and went away. A new breed of trans-activists arrived on the scene and began to change my simple gender binary world. I first realized this when I saw that a “Q” had been added to the end of GLBT, the Q standing for Queer. Although the label queer had been in vogue way back in the ‘50s as a derogatory term for gay males, I learned it now stood for anyone who felt they did not fit into the neat boxes of male/female or straight/gay-lesbian. Then an “I” was added for intersex individuals as they too wanted to differentiate themselves from the run-of-the-mill gays/lesbians/trans/queer people. And I was OK with that. I could understand their point because their physiology just was different from that of most people.
But then the alphabet soup of letters was added making the LGBT tag almost meaningless, at least to me.
5 Ways to Support a Trans Person Experiencing Body Dysphoria (here)
This article popped up on my Facebook feed this morning, so I clicked and read. I had two thoughts when I finished my forced reading – not far into it I had the distinct feeling that some aspiring trans activist was clawing for something “trans” to write to come up with this fluff. All the things “they” suggested were common sense things an empathetic person would do for any friend struggling with an issue. The only difference was that the writer forced the overlay of trans onto the piece probably thinking the #trans keyword would help “their” marketing.
You may have noticed my use of air quotes around the non-gendered ‘they’ and ‘their.’ I did that because the writer, who is evidently a trans man, chose to make the article about gender-neutral body dysphoria instead of gender dysphoria. This even though ‘he’ chooses traditional masculine pronouns.
As you probably know by now, gender dysphoria is the extreme discomfort many trans people experience with the sex/gender they were assigned at birth, such assignment usually based upon the appearance of their external genitalia. This discomfort I know very well, having suffered with it for most of my life. I have always had a strong feeling that my body was not in alignment with my gender identity. I may have been assigned male at birth, but I finally found a way to correct that miss-alignment. With the help of hormone therapy and gender confirmation surgery, I crossed over from blue to pink.
But today many young (primarily) people in the trans collage are intent on doing away with the classical gender binary. Instead of being a trans man or trans woman, they choose to self-identify as gender queer, gender neutral (neutrois), non-binary, agender, polygender, androgyne, gender questioning, genderfluid, demigender, genderf#ck, and on and on and on. I can’t begin to keep up with the ever-growing list of nonbinary identities but you can read more about them here.
11 Times Gender Norms Got The Middle Finger in 2015 (here)
I am confused, very confused. And I think a lot of other people are too. And confused people always say No, such as they did to HERO in Houston.
Just wondering–if you had grown up with these options displayed and discussed around you, do you think you would have felt the need to revise your body? Is that one of the things that confuses you? (I do not mean to imply any judgment at all, just interest. Feel free to tell me to fuck off 🙂 )
Ok, I just read your HERO post and think I see that your concerns are at least primarily social and political rather than personal. I think I get everything you say there. I have often chided myself for being too much of a pragmatist, but it’s hard for me to see the world any other way. I’d like to pray that in another generation the brave new non-gendered world our younger friends may be better able to envision might become a reality, or at least a possibiilty. And that all of us may feel freer to express our individuality without fear of the right.
Yes, my concern is primarily political and social. Particularly in the rush that has accompanied same-sex marriage and the likes of Caitlyn J/OITNB, I’m afraid our younger friends just don’t worry enough about a strong backlash if a republican gets elected president. My gut tells me to cool it a bit until we get past the election.
I would add, however, that the bathroom dilemma still bothers me a bit. I mentioned to Chris that when I travel to Florida to visit my kids, I make frequent use of the excellent rest stops along the interstates. But when I approach the women’s bathroom, I hesitate if I see an obvious male standing near the door. I can feel a bit of adrenaline hiking my alert, almost like I feel when I have to pass a large pit bull when I am walking at the park. In both cases, intellectually I know I am probably going to be OK; but instinctively, I tense up. I’m just not sure how long, if ever, it will take for the majority of women to become truly comfortable with an obvious male in the bathroom/locker room with them. Perhaps my granddaughter’s generation will get there. I know they are expensive to retrofit, and I know that requiring gender queer trans folks to use a gender neutral bathroom/locker room is problematic in outing them, but it might be a work-around. And if they are gender queer, aren’t they outing themselves anyway?
Linda,
That is a great question and I’m not sure how to answer it. Perhaps if some or all of these gender fluid options were commonly displayed, and importantly, given due respect, I may have found one that would not have required me to revise my body. But for me, I knew I was not the traditional male person and that only left female. After I transitioned in 2001, I struggled with GID until I was able to afford confirmation surgery. I cannot imagine undoing that. But even now, seeing people play with gender expression/performance leaves me a bit cold, especially the image of bearded “men” wearing dresses and makeup. On the other hand, I love androgynous/gender fluid women like Rain Dove and Ruby Rose, probably because they resonate as female/feminine to me.